Monday, March 2, 2009


Last night while I was about to doze off I was suddenly gripped with a very intense anxiety attack! These happen to me every once in a while and leave me paralyzed while simultaneously very jittery and crazy. I can't sleep and I stay up for a long time either pacing or tapping my fingers and wanting badly to go and run a couple miles or so. I can't ever figure out what brings these on but here are some theories:

1. muscle tension: I hold a lot of tension in my shoulders and I feel like the tension needs to be released but since I can't randomly ask coworkers or strangers for a massage (or can I? >:) ), and I have never gotten a professional massage, my body just starts to freak out from all the tension.

2. stress: work is a little intense right now but unlike my last job, I actually care to do really good work because I believe in the work that I'm doing. And so the work load is personal ... as in, I really want to do a good job.

3. spiritual: I think the house that I live in is not spiritually sound and every once in a while I feel oppressed. I don't know if that's what happened last night but I definitely get the heebie jeebies sometimes. I ask for your prayers in this regard. I want to move but I can't really afford anything else around here.

To combat my jitters I read more from Netherland, the book Chris and I are reading this month. It started out strong, but is getting to be way too meditative and sans narrative movement, which annoys me. We shall see how it ends. Our next book is Omnivore's Dilemma, which I am very excited about!

If it happens again tonight, I will turn on soothing music (such as the song below), pray, and maybe do some pilates ... off to go buy a yoga mat now :)


  1. Does your work provide health insurance? If so and you have PPO, you should go see a chiropractor-- the ones that focus on rehab (there are two schools of them so don't go to the ones that say they can cure everything!) The chiros can help with the tension and muscle cramping in your upper back and neck.

  2. Omnivore's Dilemma!!!!!!! Ha! I bought that when I was in DC with you! I haven't read it yet. :( BTW - if you want, when you're in town and maybe after Chez Panisse, Graham can give you a chair massage. He's really good. Just be prepared to endure some comments about your "energy" and maybe forced to hold some crystals - his favorite is rose quartz. ha!