Monday, December 31, 2012

farewell 2012

greetings from temecula, california, where i am sitting at my family's kitchen table, typing away. My parents are sitting on the couch just to my right, watching korean news programs, and our dog, Simba, is sitting in his crate staring intently at each person one at a time, willing us to please give him some more ham.

everything about my current state is comfortable. I have a full tummy, my bank account is not depleting by the second as it seems to do in new york, i'm in sweats (and have been for the past week), and i haven't a care in the world. so i'd like to take advantage of this calm state to reflect on 2012.

when i first moved to DC, I lived with a woman who was into eastern religion and spirituality. on my 28th birthday she told me that every seven years or so we go through a complete shedding of our past selves and start afresh. given that i tend to be a late bloomer, i'm going to call this year my "7-year shed."

this year, I decided to go ahead and apply to j-school despite doing just fine as an editor. when i got into a program i liked, i decided to quit my job and enroll. i moved to new york. i got serious about relationships in my life -- building and rebuilding them. i attempted to be brave and fear less.

these decisions weren't without consequences. the risks of putting yourself out there are real and inevitable. i've felt the heat in my cheeks as i approached perfect strangers with personal questions, was yelled at and demeaned by sources, had my writing flashed on the big screen and criticized (jschool professors are keen on public humiliation). i've missed the company of familiar friends and felt adrift in an unfamiliar place. roots are profoundly important, and when they're gone, your heart aches with the knowledge that even if you were to go back to where home used to be, it wouldn't be the same. it will never be the same.

but that's life, isn't it? :) you hit the ground running, stumble, pick yourself up, learn from it, and start running again.

i'm thankful for 2012 -- a year of testing, changes, challenges, and a lot of learning.

through all of this, i wouldn't have survived without the many friends and family who rallied around my decisions with support and excitement and a lot of love. what a blessing you all are! and i'm thrilled as  i look ahead to next year because my friends and family are always there.

cheers to the new year!