don't be afraid. just ask!

I was raised to never yell or cause a row. I was so passive in elementary school that my mom said when I was little, if a kid tried to take my toys away from me, I'd hand them over gladly and grab something else to give to them too.

Now, I realize that's all a bunch of baloney.

Ladies. Let's wisen up, make a fuss, object, reject, argue, prove points, ask for things, demand them, even. That's the only way to get ahead in this world.

And same goes for guys. I can't tell you how unattractive it is when a man is passive. Blech. I remember this one time I was at a free, outdoor concert with the Flaming Lips in San Diego. It was one of the worst experiences of my life, mostly because it was so damn crowded and nobody could see above one another's heads. There was a couple standing right in front of a fountain waiting for the show to start. A gaggle of drunkards ran up and stood on top of the fountain right in front of the guy and his girl. The guy was pissed. In a strong, low voice he said, "Get down." The drunkards pretended not to hear. "Get down. Get off the f-ing fountain." He wasn't even yelling, but he spoke firmly. Immediately all of us tensed up, but the guy did not relent. "Get down right now." You could tell the drunkards were pretty intimidated. One by one, they slunk off the fountain and moved on. It was great!

Especially us asian folk, it's so important for us to prove we will not roll over and play dead. Like when some man kicked me on the street while I walked to work. I really wanted to just walk away and pretend it never happened, but I started yelling at him. I got in his face and was like, "Why the hell did you just kick me!!!!!RRRAWWRRR!!!!" lol. Kind of ridiculous but it worked.

Also, I've learned that it never hurts to ask for things. Like my new earrings! I've been looking for thin gold hoops for a while. These were perfect but I wanted them to be a little bigger and the jeweler will be making them next week.
Check her out, she's great!

books

Chris and I have been doing a psuedo-monthly book club. So far we've read like three books. Sigh. We will get better :)

Cathleen Falsani, former religion columnist at the Chicago Sun-Times and fellow Wheaton alum put up a summer reading list on her blog, The Dude Abides. I thought I'd recreate it for you all here if you're looking for some good books to read. I'm personally interested in all of them!

2009 SPIRITUAL SUMMER READING LIST
by Cathleen Falsani

Angry Conversations with God: A Snarky but Authentic Spiritual Memoir
By Susan Isaacs
This is one of the funniest, most inspiring books I’ve read in many a summer. Call it a middle-class-white-girl’s Dark Night of the Soul. Isaacs — an actor, writer and comedian — takes God to couples counseling and finds out that her troubled “marriage” is mostly her own, hilarious fault. Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz, put it this way: “If King David were a woman, and were funny, he'd be Susan Isaacs.”

The Help
By Kathryn Stockett
A friend who lives in rural Mississippi recommended this debut novel to me. “The Help,” she said, “go get it right now!” Set in 1960s Jackson, Miss., during the early days of the Civil Rights Movement, Stockett tells the story of an unlikely counter-cultural heroine and young would-be writer named Eugenia "Skeeter" Phelan, who takes on the racist mores of the “cake-eating, Tab-swilling, cigarette-smoking” white women of Jackson society who enlist the help of black women to raise their children, but don’t trust them to polish the silver. It’s a heavy subject, but Stockett tells the story with wit and compassion.

God Says No
By James Hannaham
Like The Help, Hannaham’s novel navigates the dangerous world where faith and culture clash. In this case, it’s the intersection of religion and sexuality that provides the drama as Gary Gray, a young black man, struggles to reconcile his homosexuality and his Christian faith. Steve Martin (yes, that Steve Martin) calls God Says No, “A tender, funny tour of a mind struggling to do the right thing. A revelatory and sympathetic guide to a misunderstood world.”

Jesus Was a Liberal: Reclaiming Christianity for All
By Scotty McLennan
The author, McLennan, is dean of religious life at Stanford University and the real-life inspiration for the Rev. Scott Sloan of the comic strip Doonesbury fame. His book is a manifesto of sorts for those who are both unapologetically Christian and liberal. He takes readers through the major concerns of liberal Christianity, both theological and social, and draws conclusions that are sure to both enrage and amuse those who don’t share them.

The Sisters of Sinai: How Two Lady Adventurers Discovered the Hidden Gospels
By Janet Soskice
Set for release on Aug. 20, this book tells the little-known, fascinating story of Agnes and Margaret Smith, identical twins from Scotland who, in the late 19th century, travel to the Holy Lands and discover what were at the time the earliest known copies of the Gospels.

Between Wyomings: My God and an iPod on the Open Road
By Ken Mansfield
Grammy award-winning country music producer Mansfield takes readers on a trip through his own soul via stories from his heady days in the music biz, from the Hollywood Hills to London’s Saville Row to Nashville Honky Tonks. His own journey might inspire you to take your own.

Home Tonight: Further Reflections on the Parable of the Prodigal Son
By Henri Nouwen
This slim paperback by the late theologian and author Nouwen is a gem. Long a favorite of mine, Nouwen tells the story of his own spiritual homecoming in this book that expands on his original classic The Return of the Prodigal Son. This volume is taken from a series of workshops Nouwen led about his encounter with Rembrandt’s 17th-century painting also called The Return of the Prodigal son. If you’re about to take a summer road trip, you might consider snapping up the audio version of this book, due to be released later this month.

Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate: A Trip Through Death, Sex, Divorce and Spiritual Celebrity in Search of the True Dharma
By Brad Warner
Warner, author of Hardcore Zen and Sit Down and Shut Up, is a Zen monk and a punk rock musician who spent years working for a Japanese monster-movie company. His short bio alone makes this memoir intriguing. Add the story line of losing his mother, his grandmother, his job and his wife; with equal parts Zen-infused spiritual insight and bold truth-telling and you’ve got a page-turner.

The New Jew: An Unexpected Conversion
By Sally Srok Friedes
This breezy memoir recounts how Friedes, a nice Catholic girl from Milwaukee, became a nice New York City Jewish wife, in a decade-long adventure that takes her through marriage, motherhood, and spiritual transformation.

Tales of Wonder: Adventures Chasing the Divine
By Huston Smith with Jeffrey Payne
At age 90, Smith, the spiritual adventurer and author of the religious classic The World’s Religions, tells tales from a lifetime on the front lines of religious exploration in search of God and authentic spiritual experience. From spinning with Sufi dervishes to dropping acid with Timothy Leary, Smith’s stories of, as he calls it, “whoring after the Infinite” are infinitely fascinating.

i didn't even know you

(Ilona Wellman)

Do you ever think about people in your life and think, I didn't even know you and yet we were so close! I was thinking about my old DC roommate from back when I was a summer intern. She and I did a lot of fun things together but I can't even remember her last name (therefore, I cannot find her on facebook). I do remember that I called her boyfriend "MooCow" because whenever he'd come online on her AIM, the alert sound was of a cow mooing.

Or my friend Eunice. I was one of her bridesmaids for goodness' sake and now I have no idea what she is doing ... I don't even know where she works or lives!

Or I think about the X and how I spent a whole two years investing all this time and energy into getting to know him and yet when I think about him today, I am utterly mystified.

And then I look at people in my life now and wonder, will you be a stranger to me one day? Scary thought.

boston wedding

Chris and I went to a wedding in Boston this weekend, it was so much fun! I've never been to Boston before so I was pretty excited. It's a great town!

A couple of highlights: taking a short plane ride (usually mine are like 6 hours long since I'm bi-coastal, so to take a 1.5 hour flight was really nice!); staying at a nice, air-conditioned hotel after being depressed about not being able to find a nice apartment in my price range; seeing a giant, 75-year-old sea turtle at the new england aquarium; going to the JFK presidential library; dancing the night away with Chris (best dance partner ever!); and seeing two people make a covenant with one another to cherish each other for the rest of their lives ... such a sacred commitment! It was really beautiful.

I took some video clips so hopefully, if I get my act together, a boston video will come soon.

For now, here's a pic I took with my cell phone of Chris and me at the wedding:

statue of liberty

chris and I went to the statue of liberty over memorial day weekend! I made a video with the clips I filmed using my little flipcam. Enjoy!

welcome wagon worship

About a month ago, I had the pleasure of meeting Rev. Vito Aiuto one early Saturday morning at his church, Resurrection Presbyterian Church in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. As half of the husband-and-wife musical duo, The Welcome Wagon, Vito seemed a little out of sorts as he prepared to sing a song for me and my little video camera.

“I usually don’t do this without my wife,” he said. Despite his nerves, the solo performance turned out great, as you can see in the video below. But I did find myself thinking, Sure this guy can sing, but is he for real? Is he really a pastor or is that just a means to a charming super-hero tag line (Reverend by day, indie folk musician by night).

Over the course of the interview, I discovered that the Aiutos’ faith and devotion to serving God and others through their ministry in Williamsburg is very real, and is, in fact, the inspiration for creating music at all, as Vito explains in the interview:

I really didn’t grow up with the Christian faith being an active part of our home and so I began to have this idea that I wanted it to be a part of our home and one of those ways would be singing. Neither my wife or I played an instrument at that time and so I started to learn how to play the guitar a little bit, and over years of banging out rudimentary hymns and gospel songs, some friends enabled us to record some songs.

But it all began as a way just for Monique and I to sing to God, and to sing to each other.

I think their reason for making music is so refreshing in its honesty. I grew up around a lot of people who wanted to make music for every reason but to worship God, even though a lot of them wanted to be "worship leaders." Here are two people who just genuinely love singing to Jesus. Nothing wrong with that.

Also, this album was produced by Sufjan Stevens! Major plus! People make fun of my devotion to Sufjan Stevens ... well, fine so I'm a huge fan. So sue me! There's nothing wrong with a little fanaticism for a man who weighs 135 pounds and wears butterfly wings while he performs on a banjo. His music is the bomb, OK? You might remember "Vito's Ordination Song" from Sufjan's album, Greetings from Michigan. That was written for Vito when he was ordained. As I told a friend, meeting Vito was like meeting a character out of your favorite novel at Starbucks for a latte. Hello Anne of Green Gables. Hello Vito.
It was wild!

Please watch my video interview with The Welcome Wagon :)
Grazie.

the brothers bloom

Last night, Christopher, his brother Cliff, and I all went to see the film, The Brothers Bloom. I went in not knowing much; I came out delighted! If you feel like watching a funny, at times serious, fantastical movie about two brothers who love and hate each other through a lifetime of heists and swindles, you should definitely check this movie out. Also, the costumes are great fun. Why don't men wear hats any more?

Rinko Kikuchi was also in the film and she was HILARIOUS and wonderful. But I did find myself a little bothered. After reading a little bit about Asian American heritage month (it was May, did you commemorate it in any way? Yeah, neither did I), and watching a documentary on Asian American's in film and television, I found myself wondering what she was representing through her character-a mostly silent guns and explosives expert, who at one point is singing bad karaoke in a Tokyo bar. To a certain extent though I felt like her performance was a parody of all that is expected of the stereotypical asian character in a heist film. Maybe a good performance, above all, is most important as long as it doesn't go unnoticed. Anyway ... watch the movie! Let's talk about it!