Wednesday, November 18, 2009

allow me to introduce, HJ

I have lovely friends. HJ, in particular, is a real doll. lol. Actually, she's not a doll--she is an amazing, strong, brilliant, inspiring, lovely woman and I had the pleasure of working with her for 2 whole years! Alas, she went to Minneapolis, I went to D.C., and now our daily lunches and coffee breaks are no more.

I miss her terribly, but am so happy to be able to keep up with her via phone, email, and her blog, HJ's Haunt.

Her most recent post was truly inspiring. Here's an excerpt.

Tough skin


But recently I’ve also realized that I’ve toughened my skin in other areas—namely my singleness. Singletons have to, at least a little bit, to survive! Dating is not easy. First, there’s the fear that he just will not think you’re attractive enough. And then, let’s say, you get lucky and you actually find him attractive and he’s clearly digging you...then hold on. Just you wait. Something will fall, because it always does. It always has. I mean, we’re single! Something has always gone wrong! Either he stops liking you, you stop liking him, he hurts your feelings, he never calls back, he freaks, he stands you up, he moves away, he doesn’t understand, he needs anger management, he turns out to be psycho! (Yes, I speak from experience.) Perhaps he even says you’ve elicited a visceral feeling in him! Something goes awry. And I can assure you that misreading intents and desires is much more painful than misspelling a name. So, don’t you worry. I have grown tough (read: cynical). Me and one of my single friends don’t believe he’ll actually call. We don’t believe we’ll actually fall for someone. We think the chances of something lasting longer than a coffee date, let alone three coffee dates, is slim to none. We’re not stupid. Fall for something once, twice, but three times? C’mon! We’re smart girls. Sure, we’ll date, but we won’t believe. We must protect ourselves.

So, when someone does call, when he does show up, when he does’s a single girl to respond? How do you not fear a misspelling and wait for the complaining emails to fly?

Well, as I said, we’re smart girls. So first, we make sure he calls, shows up, understands not just once, but twice, three, four times. Heck, let’s go for five! And then you pray—hard—that he will be able to put the period at the end of your run-on, callused sentence, even though you think it’s too late.
Amen, HJ! Dating IS hard, and keeping a soft heart is near impossible. But I am hoping for great, majestic love in your life. Love that transcends superficial, Hollywood romance and settles deep within your bones, your marrow, your being.

1 comment:

  1. jeannie, you are dear to me. i miss you and love you.